A New Day

Wow has it really been two months since I have been on here? I have read so many other blogs and thought about so many things to quip and write about and yet I have stayed away. I would love to say that I am all better and joy has once again been renewed in my heart and my spirit and yet to do so would not be to tell the truth. Something I have learned is very important.

A new day, a new start to a school year, a new school for the kids (again), new people, new season, new clothes, new shoes, new backpacks, new school supplies. Wow that is alot of new.

SOOO is my heart new? What would it take for me to have a new heart of love towards my God? Do I need one or just a new light on my relationship with Him? Good questions, not sure. I know with all my being that I want a new light on it. I know with all my being that I want to navigate my way through all these feelings, come out on the otherside having learned to be who He wants me to be. Mostly, I want to learn what it is He has me on this journey to learn.

I think I just would like to learn it and be done. Maybe it is the very process that He wants me to learn.

Just some rambling thoughts today!!!
As AJ says "We miss grandpa today don't we mom"
Yes AJ we sure do.!!

FREEDOM

Wow on this 4th of July weekend I have been reminded of the price many have paid for this freedom I call mine. In this country with my family and mostly with my faith. I have had a rough couple of months. It has just been plain difficult. I feel very far away from God. I know he is right there and yet I feel like I just can't touch Him. I want so bad to take that freedom and crawl in His lap and yet I don't seem to be able to do just that. I am tired of being sad and most of all tired of feeling this way.
A way I can't even describe. I want to spend time with you Lord and yet when I try I feel like I am alone and in a box no light, no noise, nothing. Yet you are here. I know you are. I believe you are. Then where am I, am I the one who is not?
Again I am drawn to a deep feeling of appreciation of the freedom I enjoy. Did I ever tell my dad how much I appreciate the sacrifice he made for our country, for me, for my family. My earthly father is no longer here and did I ever tell him? Did he know? Which leads me to have I ever told my Heavenly Father how much he sacrificed for my freedom in Him? My freedom to feel sad, to feel hurt, to feel all that I have struggled with the last few months? Have I told Him how much I love him for sacrificing His all so that I can go through this and still KNOW that He is here right beside me. Crying with me. Hurting with me. Carrying me. No I don't think I have so Lord you truly are indescribable. You are amazing and I thank you for this freedom that you bestow upon me humble, mere me to allow me to question, hurt, cry, and yet love you with an abounding love that knows no limit. I pray you can carry me back to the joy of loving you. To the purity of loving you limitless with abounding joy. Thank you Lord for that freedom. Thank you dad for my earthly freedoms and the part you played in that.
THANK YOU!

Just today and my thoughts

Today is Monday and the last week of school. I was shown how to put the link to this on here and haven't done it for so lond that now I have forgotten. Ya all stop laughing at this techy struggling blogger friend.



Ya all amaze me at what you put on here and how you get it on here. I will take any private lesson any of you would like to come over and give me. :)





So I can't cut and paste so I need to retype these every time so it takes a bit so I will only be doing this when I have a bit of time :)


Outside my window.... a bird is chirping a happy song in the sun. Probably calling it's little one for breakfast. Thinking of all it must do today. A gentle reminder to me that God cares for the sparrow I know he cares for me!!!

I'm thinking ... about my mental list for today, where to start in the house and how I should enjoy this last week of school and my "free" time. Ha Ha

I'm going.... to go out at buy the white shirt my daughter Jennifer needed to bring to school today and forgot to tell me about and had to call me from school so she can decorate it at school today. ;) but not till after AJ wakes up.

I'm reading.... tune in Bible study/book and the Psalms, read Psalm 39, 40 and 41 this a.m. They were good, go read them :)

I'm hoping....to accomplish much today. First and foremost to rest in Him. Don't know what that looks like for today but I hope to do it. Then dishes, buy a shirt, bring it to school, maybe a load of laundry, 10 minute pick up and drive to hubby at work and have lunch outside his work in the sunshine.

Around the house....are things that need to be picked up, outside are flowers that I just planted and need to be watered.

I'm pondering....how I am going to be more efficient for the summer and also a bit more independent.

One of my favorite things.....is blooming flowers in the sunshine.

On my mind.....is praying for a friend for our 8 year old Brandon to play with. He is lonely for his friend Cole in Iowa.

A few plans for the rest of the week....get prepared for summer a few activities planned or at least decided so we can get them on the calendar. Paint Brandon's room, hang AJ curtain, finish AJ's border and road. Get AJ's new bed and put it up. Plus the usually should fill it up in a hurry.

A picture to share.. we will see if this comes in here OK so say a prayer I need to shut down my computer and my pics are not in my CM memory manager. Strange. So you need to envision a pic and say a prayer that I can add one later today after finding them!!!!

A goal for today.....not waste all my time trying to find things on the computer /sit and read a book with Aaron

My excercise today....did my new "melt it off" video this a.m. and my arms are telling me Ha Ha

Just today and my thoughts

This is a weekly post I hope we can enjoy together. The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window... I see sunshine and grass coming up I also think we might have a lilac bush. This morning I say the mountains from the breakfast table.

I'm Thinking... about all that I would love to accomplish today. Will I turn it over to the Lord or try and orchestrate it myself. I wish it was more natural to turn it over.

I'm Thankful for... my husband driving the kids to school this morning. How much quicker I get into my day then. and that AJ is still sleeping

I'm Going.... to scrapbook with friends for the a.m. need to get loaded and going soon :)

I'm reading ... too many books at one time. Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore

I'm hoping ... to get to unloading Braelynn's room today so I can paint this evening

Around the house... the breakfast dishes still are on the table... the office is a DISASTER... a load of laundry is waiting to go in.

I am pondering... how to make this house OUR HOME!! we just moved in well it was 4 months ago and I pray it can become ours and feel like home soon soon!

One of my favorite things... is a carmel latte from Panera Bread

On my mind... is how to curve our kids from so much screen time, computers, tv, etc.

A few plans for the rest of the week... tackle some paperwork, finish our lockers in the garage, would love to clean the office, paint AJ's new room and Braelynn's new room we are switching them.

A picture for fun... (we'll see if I can import one ):)

Well I tried importing and it will only do it at the befinning how funny and I can't do a better one this is from my nephew's wedding in March. We had a wonderful time and we even took a moment to snap a picture. There was one I liked better but can't get back to it or even open it now or get it on here too funny. Hopefully this will get easier - Carey I may need another tutor lesson here start looking for more cheap tickets :) lol

My added ones:

A goal for today... Get coupons clipped for my husband like he asked and Braelynn's room emptied to start painting it for AJ

My excercise today... I walked/ran around the park 2 times this morning.

Whew What A Week

As I look back over the last week I stop and think about all the places God took me in my heart. Pretty amazing that He would venture that many places with me. First I flew back to Iowa for my wonderful mothers Birthday. Happy Birthday mom and as Braelynn says "she is going to have many more" I am good with that. We will see what the Lord has planned huh :)

I was greeted at the airport by wonderful friends with coffee in hand. It was a true blessing to walk back into the open arms of friendship. I have missed those friendships but I do see God growing us all. We may not like it but yes he is growing us all. Isn't He.

We made our trek back to the valley and even the corn fields look different or maybe I just look at them differently. The wide open spaces and all the fresh air. :) My mom and sister were on the steps ready to greet me with hugs and love. Just as if I had never left. But someone was missing. Dad you would have been the first to greet me with hugs and tears of joy for the opportunity God was giving us to see each other again in health. But you weren't there were you. No you are greeting me and cheering me on from heaven. I hope you had a good seat as you watched us all. I am still waiting as I walk in the house for you to come out of the computer room with another "What's goin' on around here" and one more "Watch out boy..." for AJ. Do you know how much you are missed dad. Did I really appreciate each of our wonderful talks. Yes I did and yes I do think you knew. You were an amazing dad and I love you. I miss you more than words can express and yet I know you would not want another day here on earth for all the glory you are experiencing now. So I am off to enjoy today but with just a slight tear in the eye as yet things are not all as they should be, not yet, not today....
processing and walking one more step on this journey of grief...

Spiritual Confetti

Went to a "Women's Tea" at a community church, was invited by a friend. It was a wonderful treat. A little different walking into a room of 50 women and not knowing one. Lord this is such a different feeling, why Lord have you brought me here? Why Lord have you called our entire family to a journey of firsts, unknowns, and often strange feelings? Yet you have and we have answered the call and moved. This is going to be fun I say to myself. You will meet someone God has intentionally laid out for you to meet. I write my name tag and I am escorted to my table. I look for my name tag and I find it next to my friend Melissa. Guest is says. I think oh nice I don't even have a name and yet Lord you know my name. I am your Guest. Do I treat you as my Guest? I set down my purse and take a step to the side. I look around, I see ladies sharing stories, everyday things going on in their lives. I don't know any of them, they don't know me. Is this what the Lord wants me to see. This is like the world; and I am placed here to share with the people I meet many who don't know Him. Am I that excited to share with others the very things He has placed on my heart. Melissa arrives and whew "I know someone" and they know me. Just as we are about to sit down. I have introduced myself to a couple of the ladies. We share tea and scones. Learned about what a "full tea" and a "high tea" are - couldn't repeat it now though because I can't remember. How funny is that. We eat our treats and little sandwiches, dainty as they are and sip tea from beautiful china tea cups. It is nice. I feel like I am being served a dose of HIS love in nice settings and wonderful fellowship just being women. Discussions of books they have read, trips they have taken, love that has been given, kids, colds, school, soccer games, college, work and marriages. Lots of discussions and yet I think "but Cindy you said you didn't know them" Here God has met you in the voices of and faces of strangers, here He has said I love you with my love, let me give you a treat, a little taste and feel of me.....



Then a wonderful lady from their church gets up to share a moment of her faith 93 she is and she talks about what happens when we listen to God. When He places someone on our heart and asks us to pray for them. Even if we don't know them or know what to pray. He blesses us and them when we do that. She shared how even though that wasn't who she would pick to pray for, God knew, He knew why, and so she did pray, and pray, met with her, had lunch with her, prayed, and prayed. Lost touch with this prayed for friend and just a month ago, got a phone call from this prayed for friend. This friend wanted her to know how much she our 93 year old friend had changed her life. She was tear stained and will forever be awed that God could use her. Just plain old her. Guess what that is what he wants from each of us. To use just plain old us. Yes Lord please use me.



Then the speaker was introduced. "Wendy" can't remember her last name. She was also very wonderful. A breath of fresh air in my often times cloudy life lately. She reminded us all that we are all encourager's. Yes we are women and we need encouragement and yet we each play a role whether big or small as encourager's. She gave a visual for each part of our encouragement as a reminder they were all wonderful and very real. I pray in the days ahead I will have time to journal about each or at least some of those visuals. We shall see my friends.



Now for the title she ended with the "Confetti" Story and I loved it so I would like to share it with all of you. May you too be blessed in this day by this story and may we all be ready to through and share our spiritual confetti. Amen

Confetti

by Nicole Johnson

Who doesn't like throwing confetti up in the air? At weddings or parties or n New Year's Eve, everyone wants something in their hands to throw. It's a way of lavishing our love on people. Whether it's paper, rice, or birdseed, it's a way of cheering others on. Confetti is a tangible expression of our intangible emotions. like happiness you can see and throw someone's way.

Encouragement is to a relationship what confetti is to a party. It's light, refreshing, and fun. It's cheer you can throw someone's way. But even deeper, it is the assurance you are there, that you are standing behind them and supporting them. The time ti takes to gather little pieces of love, grace, strength, and hope is well worth it when you see what happens as you shower those gifts on someone else. It's like spiritual confetti, and it;s the ultimate encouragement.

But how can we encourage someone else when we feel so discouraged? (Wow this one really hit me!!!) Our temptation is to stand in the corner of the encouragement party. Just hang around the edges and observe everyone else having a good time. But that never works. It's not until we start throwing the confetti on others that we realize how much is landing on us!

As we encourage each other, The Father encourages us. The two are interwoven. As we release the confetti on returned prodigals, we weep as we remember the confetti He threw when we came home. When we help a friend carry her broken heart, our own heart feels a lot lighter. We can encourage others from the overflow of God's encouragement to us.

So what are we waiting for? Grab a handful of confetti and jump in! But be careful, you're liable to find little pieces of it stuck on your own clothes for weeks!

Sharing A Scripture

Just had something on my mind and thought we could chat. I know you are all only a phone call away but sometimes putting things down in writing is just as good for my mind. It is Friday and another week done. Whew. The sun is shining and I saw a beautiful sunrise this morning. Praying that it can be the same in my soul. I am ready for a beautiful sunrise.
I don't feel like I have had much of that beauty shining from me the last couple of months. Brad and I have had some of those conversations lately and have been very honest with each other. Which is great don't get me wrong but also makes one stop and look at what am I portraying to my family and is any of it Christlike?
I have been reading scripture verses every morning random ones and yet they are all very powerful they are from a scripture box that my prayer group (we met every Friday morning) gave me as a going away gift. Little did they know the power of that box and what is has been carrying me through. I try to read 3 or 4 a day and some days I am successfull and others not so much. I am wondering if weekly whomever is reading this or just with a post or at random times if you could post a scripture God is laying on your heart. That would be great just post it or send it to me. We can even discuss them at times and what they mean to each of us. I am trying to spend time alone with Him and it is not easy for me. I shared with a new prayer group I meet with on Thursday a.m. for an hour, that I have felt very dry, just very dry and sad. Today is an OK day, but not all are like that, it is OK for a couple of reasons: 1 tomorrow is Saturday and Brad and the kids are home. 2. I shared deeply with a sister in Christ and sister-in-law today she reminded me again that I am not alone in this desert feeling very dry and I have not been alone. She reminded me of Psalm 69 she read some of the verses to me. WOW Like "Feeling like the water is up to my neck and I am about to be consumed by the miry pit, that I have become stuck and save me O Lord save me!" Yes that is my prayer and I am off to read Psalm 69. Thanks Leanne.
Love to all and again on the step in this journey.
Cindy